What have I ever done to deserve even one of the pleasures I've known?

[dejana]

Cutting this because I feel like I've been doing too much "poor me" whining lately.

I rediscovered John Scalzi's "Being Poor" blog entry today, and reread it and the comments for the first time in a long while. (If you read it, be sure to scroll past all the trackback stuff to the comments as well.) It got me thinking, not about the life I had while growing up, but about the ways that foundation still affects me today. I'm out of the pit now, for the most part, but in many ways I'm still "poor" in the lifestyle sense. I think I'm always going to be that type in some capacity, although some of the marks my childhood made on the way I live are finally fading away after four years of life in the solid middle class. In some areas I still have a lot to recover from.

- I am finally at the point where I no longer pick up change off the street. My mom does (and gets on my case when I don't). I read this:

Being poor is wondering what sort of fool drops a penny on the ground and doesn't pick it up.

and thought, "It's probably better that I leave it for someone who needs it."

- I am finally at the point where I can throw broken or outdated things away without doing all I can to get a little more use out of them.

- I am finally at the point where I can throw near-empty containers away (shampoo, toothpaste etc) without squeezing every last drop out of them. (My mom still waters them down if she gets her hands on them.)

- I am finally at the point where I no longer save every extra condiment packet and set of plastic utensils I end up with.

- I am finally at the point where I leave the oven door cracked open after baking just to let the oven cool off, not to help keep the house warm.

- I am finally at the point where I'm no longer enticed by every discount store and day-old bakery outlet.

- I am finally approaching the point where I no longer compare prices on every item at the grocery store. (Knowing how to do it, however, is a helpful skill.)

- I still live paycheck to paycheck at least 50% of the time.

- I still haven't learned to make use of my medical insurance beyond "if something goes wrong, go to the ER/urgent care."

- I'm still saddled with a credit card balance from the days when it was the only way to cover my bills.

It's kind of funny, really. I use my money to do what was once the impossible - buy movies and toys, go on trips, do crazy fun things with my friends - while my brain's still wired to scrimp and save on basic staples. I still stall on buying new shoes until the old ones are falling apart. I still think twice over whether or not I can afford a new pair of jeans, but I'll spend the same amount on anime without a second thought, how crazy is that?

God, it's good to be able to say "I don't know" when someone asks me how much something cost. God, it's good to be able to impulse-buy a book or movie when it crosses my mind instead of heading to the library. God, it's good to own clothes without previous owners. God, it's good to be able to write my mom a check every month so she can pay bills. God, it's good not to be poor anymore.

Another comment that caught my eye:

Being poor is being alone for the rest of your life because you were too poor as a child to be out in public or associate with anyone else out of embarassment and you never learned how to make friends or be normal.

On the other hand, I'm kind of glad I was mostly alone while growing up. I had to live with being the brunt of all the teasing, there's always a kid in that role, but I never had to deal with the agony of comparison. There are a lot of comments on Scalzi's post from people who had to explain to their friends why they couldn't go to the movies, why they didn't wear the latest styles, why their friends couldn't come over to their house to play. I didn't have many friends to compare to, and in a way I'm grateful for that; I wasn't as aware of what I was missing out on. The poverty issue aside, I had the added bonus of never being tempted to screw myself over by smoking or drinking or doing drugs or having sex. I evaded peer pressure because I didn't have any peers. So I got good grades, I stayed in good health, and I was able to go to college.

Now that I'm old enough to be past all that, though, the lack of social skills does make things difficult. :\

Comments

[vayleen.livejournal.com]

Wow, we've been reflecting on similar things lately.

We (my husband and I) save a lot of money so I always feel like we don't have any. But we're saving it for big once-in-a-lifetime things like touring Europe and buying a nice house. So that's what I think when I pass over anime purchases and DVDs I want. "These DVDs might be that state-of-the-art washer/dryer set I want." or "Why buy this if I don't have the home theater system to watch it on yet?"

I have upper middle class dreams. XD So now I'll stick to living in the working class until we get there.

[dejana.livejournal.com]

I have another common problem of the formerly poor in that I don't know how to save. When I have extra money, I spend it, because you'll never know when you'll have it again. If I don't spend it I give it to my mom or someone else who needs it, either way it's usually spent to the last dollar. Having a constant balance in my bank account is such a blessing in itself that I don't care if it's only $10. My method of saving is having the IRS withhold extra from my paycheck. :\

[serasaturn.livejournal.com]

I've been middle class my entire life, but I always have the fear that I could loose that one day. I imagine when I'm out on my own, how hard it will be, and I wonder if I'm truly going to do well. I try to save my money, but sometimes my love for porcelain dolls, plush toys, and, as you already said, DVDs, just scoop that money out of my pocket. I tend to be cautious, however. I never charge more than I already have at home, and I'm one of those people who use things until there's nothing left (like with the toothpaste, or wearing my sneakers until they have so many holes, my socks get wet when it rains). My parents criticize me on it sometimes, saying I'm too cautious, that if something's broke, get something new, if something's almost gone, just throw it away, but it's a very difficult thing for me to do. I never waste my change, and always hope to get lucky at the Coinstar (sp?) machines, since I once collected so many coins, I nearly had fifteen dollars. It upsets them, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. You never know how one small even can change your life, so I feel much better knowing I have some kind of preparation. I'm glad to hear your situation has turned out for the better though. I hope it stays that way for many years to come!

[dejana.livejournal.com]

Because I don't save (see my above comment to vayleen), one major thing going wrong could easily tear it all down for me. Sometimes I worry about that, and I know I should be saving money just in case... but on the other hand, if the gravy train's gonna crash, I'd rather have done some fun things with the money when I had it than exist comfortably my whole life without ever doing anything special.

[(Anonymous)]

/me huggs

thanks for the fun weekend. it was nice seeing you and hanging out.

[dejana.livejournal.com]

:D