My problem is I have never written a first draft that was as bad as this.

Most of the time, I intentionally write my first draft by hand so I have time to think about each new sentence while writing the previous one. Since NaNo = word counts and word counts = typing, I can't even do that most basic first level of my editing process, and it leaves me pounding out empty words and sentences without really thinking or feeling what I'm doing.

So for me, I don't have the "this is just a first draft" sense of accomplishment, because I know I could be doing better, not in editing, but right now. NaNo feels like a step backward in my development as a writer, and I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be that way. :\